I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
