i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
