The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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