All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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