Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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