What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
