oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
