And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
