none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
