I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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