the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
