I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
