she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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