yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
