so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
