So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She bit a glass in half.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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