this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
