tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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