That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
