3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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