I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
