Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dignity is for republicans.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
