just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
