remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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