His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize