Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
