yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
