Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You pole danced in your parka.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
