I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
as a side note pls kill me
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