Define "chronic" masturbator.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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