He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
