Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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