I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I touched a dick in church today
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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