and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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