The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
