So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
