last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
