Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
