so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize