hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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