So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
