He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
be right there i have to get my cape
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
