I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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