I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
