I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
