worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
