My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
