I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
