Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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