sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
