I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
