dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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