she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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