thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
