If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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