I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
