I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
