My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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