He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
