No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
