I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize