he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
