I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
