I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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