Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
