She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
