My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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