My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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