my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
