My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
